During a recent conversation with a client about relationship dynamics among gay male couples, I noticed there was limited information on same-sex couples available on my site. So, I thought I’d put together a small reading list of a few that I particularly like. These titles—some older, some more recent—offer a wealth of insight, support, and shared experience that still hold relevance today, even with the many advances in marriage equality and legal recognition.
Admittedly, the list will lean more toward gay male couples than lesbian partnerships, it’s a starting point—and I hope to add more titles in future updates. Many of these books are available through public libraries or free platforms like the Open Library, and others can be sourced through specialist and independent booksellers, including:
- Hares & Hyenas (Victorian Pride Centre, Melbourne)
- The Bookshop Darlinghurst (Sydney)
- Rabble Books & Games (WA)
Using platforms like AddAll can also help track down more elusive titles.
1. Permanent Partners: Building Gay and Lesbian Relationships That Last
By Dr. Betty Berzon
A classic by a pioneer in LGBT rights and psychotherapy, this book delves into relationship dynamics with depth and compassion. It covers themes like identity, power, intimacy, and navigating family relationships with chapters even titled “feeling good about being gay”. Dr. Berzon’s lived experience and professional insight combine to create a rich, affirming resource.
2. Couples
By John Gettings
This collection of black-and-white portraits from the 1994 Stonewall 25 celebrations in New York captures not just images but heartfelt stories—coming out, family reactions, professions, and connections. It’s an archival gem that reflects a pre-marriage equality era, offering a moving look into resilience and love.
3. The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop
By David P. McWhirter & Andrew M. Mattison
Still relevant decades after its publication, this book outlines developmental stages in gay male relationships—from the early “blending” phase through to long-term “repartnering.” Written by a couple with backgrounds in psychiatry and psychology, it’s a valuable roadmap for understanding growth, challenges, and transitions over time.
4. Happy Together: Thriving as a Same-Sex Couple in Your Family, Workplace, and Community
By Sharon S. Rostosky & Ellen D.B. Riggle
Written by two psychologists in 2015, this book addresses both the joys and unique challenges faced by same-sex couples. Topics include navigating prejudice, managing internalised homophobia, and strengthening relationships through reflective exercises and research-backed strategies.
5. Loving: A Photographic History of Men in Love, 1850s–1950s
A breathtaking visual archive of affection between men across a century. These photographs defy time and societal norms, silently speaking volumes about love, bravery, and connection. Minimal text lets the images take centre stage, and the emotional power of these portraits is undeniable.
6. The Male Couple’s Guide: Finding a Man, Making a Home, Building a Life
By Eric Marcus
Written with warmth and practicality, this guide is ideal for those starting or navigating long-term relationships. Covering everything from dating, sex, and monogamy to parenting, finances, and conflict, it’s easy to dip into chapters that resonate most. A revised edition is available via Open Library.
In Summary
This list is a small, rather eclectic selection of books, but it’s a meaningful place to begin if you want to examine a range of topics. Whether you’re in a same-sex relationship yourself, supporting someone who is, or simply curious about different relationship experiences, these books offer reflection, guidance, and a sense of connection.
If you find that you do resonate with some of the topics briefly discussed in the above list and you would like to talk to a professional bout your situation, don’t hesitate to reach out. It’s important that everyone feels seen, supported, and celebrated in their relationships.
